Jill Prouty

Tag: suicide

• Are We Less Happy?

  Posted at 9:49 pm by jillprouty7, on June 25, 2018

  Anderson Cooper hosted a CNN Special Town Hall last night: Finding Hope, Battling America’s Suicide Crisis. Much of the hour was spent talking to survivors of suicide (Anderson’s brother, Carter, took his own life 30 years ago) as well as survivors of suicide attempts.

  

  Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

  However, the standout of the evening for me was CNN’s Dr. Sanjay Gupta who shared that life expectancy as a whole in the United States has plateaued and dropped over the last couple of years, with the middle aged white working class population being hit the hardest. He went on to say that the most common causes of premature death for this segment of the population were liver cirrhosis, typically due to alcoholism, opioid overdose and suicide. He called them the “deaths of despair.”

  The Town Hall was followed by the last episode of Anthony Bourdain’s Parts Unknown, in which he travels with friend and film director Darren Aronofsky (Black Swan) to Bhutan.

  

  Photo by Mikes Photos on Pexels.com

  The small, mostly Buddhist country is the originator of Gross National Happiness (GNH), a philosophy which might seem strange given that Bhutanese culture expects one to think about death five times a day. How can they be so happy when they think about death every day? Those of us who’ve experienced loss up close know that being familiar with death makes us appreciate life all the more. Suddenly having the latest and greatest whatever doesn’t mean much anymore and we’re able to better focus on what gives our lives meaning. We want to live the best lives we can as a way of honoring those we’ve lost.

  The show ended with Bourdain and Aronofsky stopping at the Burning Lake, one of the most sacred sites in Bhutan, to leave a traditional spiritual offering honoring the dead. The men sat and reflected on their trip, wondering what the future would bring for Bhutan, a country with little modernization. Historically, transportation in Bhutan has been difficult, if not downright dangerous, due to the unstable geology and extremely high (and narrow) passes. As they build new roads bypassing some of the more dangerous areas and shortening trips times, the friends wondered what would happen to the country that Bourdain likened to Shangri-La? An end to innocence? Materialism and everything that comes with it? A lower GNH?

  I was left with my own questions:

  Do the stresses of modern life fuel the unsettled mind?

  Has modern life outpaced the evolution of our species?

  Is our fast-paced lifestyle a contributing factor in the rise in suicides in the United States?

  Posted in blog, Uncategorized | 2 Comments | Tagged anderson cooper, Anthony Bourdain, bhutan, buddhism, despair, finding hope, gross national happiness, materialism, modern life, modernity, sanjay gupta, stress, suicide, suicide crisis

• Life Saving Books

  Posted at 3:41 pm by jillprouty7, on June 23, 2018

  A friend sent me a link to an Opinion column in the New York Times from June 16, 2018 – What Kept Me From Killing Myself by novelist and Iraq War veteran, Kevin Powers. Powers, who in 2005 was suffering from depression and possible PTSD, found his will to live again in books. His life-affirming experience began with reading the words of poet Dylan Thomas. Powers writes of the experience:

  “For the first time in a long while I recognized myself in another, and somehow that simple tether allowed me to slowly pull myself away from one of the most terrifying beliefs common to the kind of ailment I’m describing: that one is utterly alone, uniquely so, and that this condition is permanent.”

  

  Photo by Min An on Pexels.com

  Books have meant a great deal to me as well. I don’t always plan it, but somehow the right book always seems to end up in my hands. As I type this, I can think of several books that saw me through challenging times in my life from Paula Danziger’s The Pistachio Prescription that I read as a pre-pubescent middle-schooler to Wally Lamb’s She’s Come Undone that I read as I began my post-college adult life. Then there was Marly Swick’s Evening News, a novel about a family torn apart after an accidental shooting. It was the last book I read before my mother took her own life. The book reminded me, amidst our own pain, that our family, too, would survive.

  What books have carried you through difficult times?

  Posted in blog, books, Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged books, depression, ptsd, reading, suicide

• Suicide, God, and Stigma

  Posted at 2:38 am by jillprouty7, on June 15, 2018

  After the heavy social media coverage of the suicides of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain last week, I wondered what more I could possibly add to the conversation. Then I read a terrible blog post in The Federalist by Caroline D’Agati claiming that suicide is a reaction to meaninglessness in life that only God can fill. Interpretation: Less God, more suicides.

  

  Photo by Public Domain Pictures on Pexels.com

  Fact: There is no evidence that people who are religious are less likely than anyone else to suffer from depression or to take their own life. Suicide is not about religion, or the lack thereof. It’s also not about morality. It’s about psychological suffering so deep few can understand.

  Most suffers don’t want to expose loved ones to the dark thoughts plaguing their minds, even though that is exactly what they should do. My mother tried her best to share her thoughts and feelings with us and when she did it was truly terrifying. And we were only peeking over the edge of the abyss, not staring into it upon waking every day. Of course, she had many reasons for living and often remarked on them, as did Anthony Bourdain.

  So we’ve established that the lack of God in one’s life isn’t the cause of the rise in suicides. So what is? Despite suicide being the 10th leading cause of death in the United States, the National Institutes of Health spent more money researching dietary supplements than it did suicide and suicide prevention. Why aren’t we dedicating more resources to fight suicide? The answer is stigma.

  What can you do to help? Stop with the judgment. Suicide has nothing to do with personal weakness, selfishness, or lack of faith. So just stop it already. Even better – correct others when you hear similar negative messages. It is not at all helpful in preventing suicides. In fact, it does just the opposite. It adds to the despair of the afflicted. Stop being part of of the problem.

  Posted in blog, Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged Anthony Bourdain, depression, Kate Spade, psychological suffering, stigma, suicide, suicide and God, suicide and religion, suicide prevention

• Suicide on the Rise, Why?

  Posted at 4:10 am by jillprouty7, on June 9, 2018

  

  Photo by Julie Viken on Pexels.com

  The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) published a report today showing a 30% increase in U.S. suicide rates since 1999. The deaths this week of designer Kate Spade and celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain put an exclamation point on the issue. What exactly is going on?

  The CDC made a point to distinguish the many reasons for suicide. Although suicide is typically understood to be associated with a known mental illness, many happen without warning – 54%. The report found that these people had other issues including relationship problems, health problems, financial problems, or some other crisis that precipitated the event.

  I’m not convinced you can completely separate the two. A crisis in someone’s life can be a trigger for depression, which is a mental illness; but, I think the point is that 54% of the time a suicide happens without any warning. Which brings me to the next point: guns. According to the report, guns were the most common method for suicide, used by almost half of the people who died. Suicide tends to be a rash decision, a brief moment of utter despair that will pass given enough time. Not having immediate access to a lethal weapon can give a desperate person time to call someone. We must find common ground between the Second Amendment and the health and safety of our loved ones.

  My mother’s suicide was the type resulting from a known mental illness for which she was seeking treatment, major depression. She is proof that knowing about the illness and getting every treatment available doesn’t guarantee survival. The typical treatment for depression is SSRI therapy (Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, etc.), which has shown to be ineffective for many. SSRI’s have been available for 30+ years now. Perhaps this report highlights the ineffectiveness of the SSRI revolution?

  I’ve blogged about the recent trials being done using psilocybin “magic” mushrooms, LSD, and other psychedelic drugs for the treatment of depression and other mental illnesses that are showing great results. The back to back (to back) news this week highlights that FDA approval of these drugs can’t come soon enough.

  Posted in blog, books, drug therapies, Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged Anthony Bourdain, antidepressants, CDC, depression, Kate Spade, mental health, mental illness, psilocybin, psychedelics, SSRI, suicide

• Remember All of the Fallen

  Posted at 7:31 pm by jillprouty7, on May 27, 2018

  

  Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

  As we remember our fallen soldiers on Memorial Day, I also want to take time to remember the service men and women, both active duty and veterans, who die by suicide every year – estimated at 22 a day.

  Military suicide is a complex issue. Many assume the high suicide rate is due to the stresses of war. While that may be true for many, a third or more are done by those who have never been deployed.

  It is difficult, if not impossible, to pinpoint the “why” of the high suicide rate in the military. Among active duty service members, young men age 18-24 seem to be most at risk. Many married young and have financial or personal problems coupled with the stress of military life. While help is available, many service members worry about disclosing psychological problems and how it might affect career advancement.

  Veterans are at the highest risk in the year after they leave service – about 1½ to 2 times as likely to kill themselves as those on active duty. Why? Sebastian Junger argues in his book, Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging (Twelve, 2016), that the lack of community or shared experience on the “outside” is a driving force in the high suicide rate. He notes that in the nation of Israel, where military service is compulsory, the suicide rate is very low in comparison. Conventional wisdom says we should treat veterans as heroes, but Junger posits that it only alienates them further – that what veterans need most is to feel like they belong.

  StoryCorps’ Military Voices Initiative records stories from members of the U.S. military and their families. The story of Army Spc. Robert Joseph Allen who took his own life while serving in the U.S. military in 2012 is one of those stories. Let us remember all of our fallen veterans this Memorial Day.

   

  Posted in blog, Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged memorial day, military fallen, suicide, veteran suicide, veterans

• Book Review: Imagine Me Gone

  Posted at 5:22 am by jillprouty7, on April 23, 2018

  Lovers of literature know that great fiction always reveals truth. It enables us to see ourselves and our experiences, both good and bad, within the world at large without fear of personal exposure. When I read the publisher’s summary of Adam Haslett’s Imagine Me Gone (Little, Brown, 2016), I recognized a family like much like my own and knew it was a book I had to read.

  Imagine Me Gone explores the devastating toll of mental illness on both the sufferers and the loved ones who care for them. The opening scene is a flashback to a death, hinting at a suicide. The feeling of dread made me put the book down for a couple of days until I felt ready to forge on. I’m glad I did.

  Patriarch John suffers from bouts of major depression, something his girlfriend Margaret only becomes aware of when he is hospitalized during their engagement. She decides to stay the course and marry him anyway. Their marriage produces three children: Michael, Celia, and Alec, who each learn to cope in their own way with their father’s mood disorder and the emotional and financial strain it puts on their family. The eldest, Michael, is plagued by severe anxiety as well, which intensifies as he enters adulthood.

  Haslett tells the story in alternating points of view by all five members of the family. It isn’t an easy read, but his writing is as real as it gets when describing the family’s anguish. At its core, Imagine Me Gone considers the lasting effects of mental illness and suicide on a family as they attempt to move past it and find meaning in their lives.

  Imagine Me Gone was a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize and long-listed for the National Book Award and the Andrew Carnegie Medal.

  Posted in blog, books | 0 Comments | Tagged book reviews, depression, family, mental illness, suicide

• Can suicide be prevented?

  Posted at 4:22 pm by jillprouty7, on September 19, 2016

  

  Butterfly release at SPAN-GA Walk in Newnan, 9/10/16. Photo by Maggie Barrett.

  It always disturbs me when I see well-meaning suicide prevention advocates make statements such as, “Suicide is 100% preventable.” Why? Because it simply isn’t true.

  I get it. I used to be one of those people too. When I’d read of someone who had killed themselves I’d say things like, “Why didn’t they get the help they needed? Where were their families?”

  Here is the truth: Many suicides are preventable. There is no doubt about that. However, sometimes a person can have all the best treatments: the latest and greatest meds; in-patient and/or out-patient treatment (or a combination thereof); electroconvulsive therapy; as well as a great support team at home. And it can still happen.

  Up to 10% of major depression sufferers do not respond to treatment. That isn’t to say that we should give up on them. We need to be ever-vigilant with those at risk. But we also need to be careful not to assign blame to anybody when suicide does happen.

  Making unqualified statements is a disservice to survivors of suicide. Grieving the suicide of a loved one is like walking through a land mine – the second guessing, the regrets. I’ve been there. In the months following my mother’s suicide, I followed every alternate path trying to come up with a different ending, but I kept coming back to this: Unless you put someone in a straight jacket, lock them up, and force feed them intravenously, there are no guarantees.

  To survivors of suicide – I think I have a somewhat unique perspective as my mother was conscious for almost 24 hours after she fatally injured herself and was able to share a few things, most importantly this: It isn’t your fault.

  Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments | Tagged depression, grief, mental illness, suicide, suicide prevention month, survivors of suicide

• World Suicide Prevention Day

  Posted at 9:21 pm by jillprouty7, on September 13, 2016

  

  September 10th is World Suicide Prevention Day and I marked the occasion this year by participating in a walk sponsored by Georgia Suicide Prevention Action Nework (SPAN-GA) in Newnan. The funds raised for the event support Camp SOS, a camp for families who have lost a loved one to suicide. I know from experience that grief after a suicide can be isolating. Friends and family often run for the hills, not knowing what to do or say. When I read about the event in our local newspaper I felt called to participate. I was glad I did.

  I met some wonderful people at the walk, including a little girl (and her grandmother) who had attended Camp SOS. Grandma said the camp had been a blessing to her granddaughter and helped bring her out of her “shell” after her father’s suicide. Her testimony was exactly what I needed to hear.

  

  Memory tiles.

  One of my favorite activities at the event was making a memory tile. They supplied the 4 x 4 tiles and Mod Podge. All we had to bring was a photo. I used a copy of a black and white photo of my mother at 5 or 6 years old. (Walgreens makes 4 x 4 squares. I ordered online and it was ready for pickup in an hour.)

  The walk itself was about 2.5 miles. Great for all ages. At the conclusion of the walk, organizers handed out envelopes containing butterflies that were released as part of the closing ceremony. My butterfly took its time circling my head, dipping in between others standing nearby, only to come back to me again before finally flying off for good. A beautiful morning – one I won’t soon forget.

   

   

  Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments | Tagged depression, grief, memory, mental illness, suicide

• On motherhood, mental illness, and the importance of memory

  Posted at 8:11 pm by jillprouty7, on August 16, 2016

  

  I’ve spent the last week or so creating this new website of mine. When at last I thought I was satisfied with the overall look of it, I realized it was time to put pen to paper – or fingers to keyboard, in this case. What do I say? Where did it all begin? I could say it began in 1993-94 when my mother floated the idea of she and I co-writing a book about her experiences with major depression. She had nearly died in the Spring of 1992 after an intentional overdose. In fact, the doctors said she should have been dead, but she woke up after three days in a coma – and had a story to tell.

  We talked in vague terms about the book. She thought I had a knack for writing. I demurred feeling that my writing skills were mediocre at best, but we kept the dialogue open. Maybe someday.

  Fast forward ten years. Mom’s depression comes back, and with a vengeance. We thought we had seen the worst in 1992, but it turns out we had not. This time she does not survive. I was five months pregnant at the time with her first grandchild. I remember talking to a well-meaning friend over the phone a week or so after I had returned to work and I’ll never forget what she said to me.

  “The baby never has to know about Grandma.”

  I was stunned. Of course I would want my child to know his grandmother. Not only was mental illness a part of who my mother was, it was – and still is – an important part of our family’s medical history.

  I kept a notebook on my bedside table those first few months after her death. My writing was raw and painful, full of rage at times, but getting it out just before bedtime helped clear my head for sleep. The process would start over again every morning – realizing that what happened really did happen and wasn’t a bad dream. I never thought I’d see the other side. But as the months wore on and I became a mother myself, the intensity of my grief faded and a new normal began.

  Then one day, when my oldest was four, he padded out to the kitchen where I was loading the dishwasher and asked, “Do I have a grandma?”

  That’s when I knew it was time to tell my mother’s story for her.

  

  Mom – Summer 2002 in Maine, the year before her death.

  Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments | Tagged depressed mothers, depression, major depression, memoir, memory, mental illness, mother's depression, mothers and daughters, suicide, suicide prevention month

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