Jill Prouty

On motherhood, mental illness, and the importance of memory
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    • Nature vs Nurture

      Posted at 7:07 pm by jillprouty7, on February 10, 2019
      photo of man in raising baby under blue sky

      Photo by Studio 7042 on Pexels.com

      I recently watched Three Identical Strangers, an award-winning documentary from director Tim Wardle, on CNN. The film explores questions of nature vs. nurture and medical ethics, as told through the incredible story of three men separated at birth: Edward Galland, David Kellman and Robert Shafran.

      The film is fascinating: Triplets separated at birth and adopted by families of different socioeconomic backgrounds living within 100 miles of each other as part of a secret study conducted by psychoanalyst Peter Neubauer. Neubauer’s team made periodic visits with the families under the guise of a general child development study. No one told the adoptive parents their children had identical siblings.

      The triplets accidental discovery of each other at age 19 was stunning and my favorite part of the film. The three became very close; however, the film hints that all three struggled with mental health issues, which ultimately led to Eddie’s suicide in 1995.

      This is where the film lost me. Family members give their take on Eddie’s suicide. Some say he was the most sensitive of the triplets, which sounds plausible enough. But then some family members mention Eddie’s adoptive father, and how he was strict as compared to the other brothers’ fathers. No abuse was even hinted at – just that Eddie’s father had a lot of rules in his home. So some family members posit that nurture was to blame for Eddie’s suicide.

      apartment architecture blue sky building

      Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

      I don’t think it’s that simple. All three struggled with mental health. The film doesn’t go into any details, but the remaining brothers wonder whether their biological mother suffered from mental illness. Eddie was 34 when he died. A grown man, not a depressed teenager living under the thumb of an overbearing father. I don’t think there is enough evidence to make any conclusions other than the biological. The results of the study have been sealed until 2066, although they have released some data, albeit heavily redacted, to the families.

      There is no doubt, at least in my mind, that the unnecessary separation of the tripets DID cause psychological harm. I think that fact is more relevant than the style of parenting they received from their adoptive families. What do you think?

      Posted in blog | 5 Comments | Tagged adoption, mental health, mental illness, multiples, nature vs nurture, parenting, suicide, three identical strangers, triplets
    • Get Out of Your Head

      Posted at 7:00 pm by jillprouty7, on July 29, 2018
      cold alcohol drink glass

      Photo by Tookapic on Pexels.com

      A recent study published in The BMJ reports that deaths related to cirrhosis increased 65% from 1999-2016. Cirrhosis, irreversible scarring of the liver, has many causes, including alcohol consumption, obesity, nonalcoholic fatty liver disease and hepatitis. Cirrhosis can lead to liver cancer and liver failure, both of which can be fatal.

      It caused me to think back on what Dr. Sanjay Gupta said on Anderson Cooper’s Special Town Hall: Finding Hope, Battling America’s Suicide Crisis. Gupta said that life expectancy as a whole in the United States had plateaued and dropped over the last couple of years. The most common causes of premature death for the middle-aged white working class population were liver cirrhosis, typically due to alcoholism, opioid overdose and suicide – the “deaths of despair.”

      dawn dusk forest grass

      Photo by Tirachard Kumtanom on Pexels.com

      I think most people have felt despair at one time or another, but how we deal with it can make or break us. I used to deal with stress by overeating. Some people turn to alcohol. But those “fixes” are temporary and eventually leave a person feeling worse than they did to begin with. When I began my weight loss journey in early 2014, I discovered vigorous exercise to be a powerful antidepressant. The higher the intensity, the more feel-good staying power. Spin classes were especially effective.

      Despite being a self-avowed “non-runner,” I decided to give running a try with the goal of completing a half marathon in 2015. For a long time I listened to music while I ran, creating playlists that motivated me to get out there and get it done. On the occasions when my phone wasn’t charged, my runs were pure drudgery. Then a month or so ago I had a late-night run in with a creep outside of my favorite grocery store which caught me totally off guard. As a result, I decided to give up listening to music on my runs so that I could be more aware of my surroundings. I became almost hyper-aware of the sounds around me – the chipmunk in the leaves, the birds in the trees, the rhythm of my footsteps. To my surprise, what I once considered drudgery became my calm. I was able to “get out of my head” and just be. It’s a glorious feeling.

      I’m not suggesting that running, or any kind of exercise, alone is the cure for all that ills us; but it can play an important role in one’s overall plan to getting and staying well, both physically and mentally.

      For more about the mental health benefits of running, I recommend Scott Douglas’ new book, Running is My Therapy: Relieve Stress and Anxiety, Right Depression, Ditch Bad Habits, and Live Happier (The Experiment, 2018).

      Posted in blog, books, Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged alcoholism, anxiety relief, cirrhosis, depression, despair, fatty liver, fitness, happiness, mental health, mental illness, obesity, running, stress, stress relief
    • Suicide on the Rise, Why?

      Posted at 4:10 am by jillprouty7, on June 9, 2018
      blur box capsules close up

      Photo by Julie Viken on Pexels.com

      The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) published a report today showing a 30% increase in U.S. suicide rates since 1999. The deaths this week of designer Kate Spade and celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain put an exclamation point on the issue. What exactly is going on?

      The CDC made a point to distinguish the many reasons for suicide. Although suicide is typically understood to be associated with a known mental illness, many happen without warning – 54%. The report found that these people had other issues including relationship problems, health problems, financial problems, or some other crisis that precipitated the event.

      I’m not convinced you can completely separate the two. A crisis in someone’s life can be a trigger for depression, which is a mental illness; but, I think the point is that 54% of the time a suicide happens without any warning. Which brings me to the next point: guns. According to the report, guns were the most common method for suicide, used by almost half of the people who died. Suicide tends to be a rash decision, a brief moment of utter despair that will pass given enough time. Not having immediate access to a lethal weapon can give a desperate person time to call someone. We must find common ground between the Second Amendment and the health and safety of our loved ones.

      My mother’s suicide was the type resulting from a known mental illness for which she was seeking treatment, major depression. She is proof that knowing about the illness and getting every treatment available doesn’t guarantee survival. The typical treatment for depression is SSRI therapy (Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, etc.), which has shown to be ineffective for many. SSRI’s have been available for 30+ years now. Perhaps this report highlights the ineffectiveness of the SSRI revolution?

      I’ve blogged about the recent trials being done using psilocybin “magic” mushrooms, LSD, and other psychedelic drugs for the treatment of depression and other mental illnesses that are showing great results. The back to back (to back) news this week highlights that FDA approval of these drugs can’t come soon enough.

      Posted in blog, books, drug therapies, Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged Anthony Bourdain, antidepressants, CDC, depression, Kate Spade, mental health, mental illness, psilocybin, psychedelics, SSRI, suicide
    • How to Change Your Mind

      Posted at 4:43 am by jillprouty7, on June 6, 2018

      pollan

      Imagine being able break from from the destructive thinking that characterizes major depression and other mental illnesses. A brain re-set in a single therapy session with a lasting power of up to six months. In How to Change Your Mind: What the New Science of Psychedelics Teaches Us About Consciousness, Dying, Addiction, Depression, and Transcendence (Penguin, 2018), Michael Pollan likens the depressed human brain as being a snow covered mountain with well-worn ski tracks on it. After a while, the tracks deepen and the skier is trapped skiing the same slope over and over again. What if a psychedelic “trip” produced by ingesting psilocybin mushrooms or LSD could flatten the entire slope, causing the overused tracks to disappear, freeing the skier to create new paths? Research into the therapy-guided use of these substances is showing promise for sufferers of mental illness, including cases where patients have been resistant to traditional treatments including the use of SSRI’s. FDA approval for the therapeutic use of several psychedelic substances could come as early as 2021. This is exciting news for sufferers of psychic pain as well as their families.

      The key to the success of this kind of treatment, according to Pollan as well as researchers, is that the substance is taken in the presence of a trained therapist who serves as a guide during the experience. Another key feature is the “mystical experience” many patients report afterward that causes them to feel differently about themselves and the world around them.

      grey small mushroom on brown soil

      Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

      In his book, Pollan tries LSD, psilocybin mushrooms, and the crystallized venom of the Sonoran Desert toad. He has what qualifies as a mystical experience after inhaling the vapor of “the toad,” leading him to ask the question: Was what he experienced real or just a drug-induced hallucination?

      Does it matter?

      Posted in blog, books, drug therapies | 3 Comments | Tagged book reviews, depression, major depression, mental health, mental illness, psilocybin, psychedelic drug therapy, psychedelics
    • Psychedelic Drug Therapy – A New Hope

      Posted at 1:54 am by jillprouty7, on May 7, 2018

      pexels-photo-576831.jpegMy mother took her life in 2003 after suffering for months with psychotic depression. This particular type of depression occurs in up to 15% of patients with severe depression and causes symptoms such as hallucinations and paranoia. It is a disease with a high mortality rate for which no FDA approved treatment exists. My mother received the typical treatment: hospitalization, a combination of SSRI’s (Lexapro, then Zoloft) and antipsychotics, and several rounds of electroconvulsive therapy (ECT).

      The hospitalization was helpful in that they were able to keep her safe when she was at her worst. The SSRI’s weren’t so effective, even after eight months of taking them. The antipsychotics worked short-term and helped her relax enough to get something in her stomach.  ECT, although scary at first, was downright miraculous. She would wake up bright-eyed like her old self wondering why she was in a hospital. However, the effects of ECT would wear off within two to three weeks and she’d be right back where she started, but with the extra added bonus of memory loss which caused her even more stress.

      Mifepristone (RU486)

      I nearly drove myself crazy after my mother’s death thinking there was more we could have done for her. I remember reading about a study being done at Stanford using the abortion pill mifepristone (RU-486) and thinking she would have been a good candidate. If only I had been doing my homework while she was alive. If only…

      Continued research over the last 17 years has revealed that cortisol, a hormone released during times of significant stress, is extremely elevated in psychotically depressed patients. It seems their sustained levels of cortisol create a chronic stress reaction that can lead to psychosis. Because mifepristone can rapidly bring down elevated cortisol levels, it has shown promise in treating additional conditions caused by elevated levels of cortisol including alcoholism and substance abuse, anorexia nervosa, ulcers, diabetes, Parkinson’s, multiple sclerosis, and Alzheimer’s. However, doctors cannot provide this drug to their patients in an off-label manner without special approval on a case by case basis through the Compassionate Use Program because of the restrictive use the FDA agreed to in order to appease the anti-abortion opponents who threatened its approval.

      Psychedelic Drugs

      pollanFor decades, psychedelics such as psilocybin (magic mushrooms) and LSD were used in clinical studies, but were never able to gain any traction after they were classified as Schedule I drugs in the 70’s. They were all but abandoned for medical use in the 80’s with the advent of SSRI’s like Prozac, but psychedelics are making a comeback.

      In two phases of an FDA-approved trial, patients with post-traumatic stress disorder responded better to MDMA (Ecstasy/Molly) assisted psychotherapy than to talk therapy alone. In fact, MDMA assisted psychotherapy is expected to be approved by the FDA by 2021. Researchers have also experimented with LSD and psilocybin to treat anxiety in terminally ill patients.

      I’m especially excited by the news that ketamine (Special K), known as surgical anesthetic and party drug, has shown fast acting results for treatment resistant depression. While SSRI medications can take weeks to start working, patients treated with ketamine report relief in as little as one to two hours. Johnson & Johnson plans to file for FDA approval of a nasal spray version within a year.

      Psychedelic drug therapy is going to be the biggest story in psychiatry in over 30 years. If you want to learn more, I recommend Lauren Slater’s Blue Dreams: The Science and the Story of the Drugs that Changed Our Minds (Little, Brown, 2018).

      I’m downright giddy that Michael Pollan (The Omnivore’s Dilemma) has written a new book called How to Change Your Mind: What the New Science of Psychedelics Teaches Us About Consciousness, Dying, Addiction, Depression, and Transcendence that is due out on May 15, 2018, but is already a bestseller on Amazon. The book grew out of the reporting he did for a 2015 article about psychedelic psychotherapy in the New Yorker, called “The Trip Treatment.” Given the popularity of Pollan’s books, I’m hopeful his insights will help psychedelic drug therapy gain mainstream acceptance and fast track them for FDA-approved medical use.

      Posted in blog, books, drug therapies | 4 Comments | Tagged abortion pill, antidepressants, depression, Drug Therapy, drug trials, ketamine, mental illness, mifepristone, psychedelic drug therapy, psychedelics, psychiatry, psychotic depression
    • Book Review: Imagine Me Gone

      Posted at 5:22 am by jillprouty7, on April 23, 2018

      imagineLovers of literature know that great fiction always reveals truth. It enables us to see ourselves and our experiences, both good and bad, within the world at large without fear of personal exposure. When I read the publisher’s summary of Adam Haslett’s Imagine Me Gone (Little, Brown, 2016), I recognized a family like much like my own and knew it was a book I had to read.

      Imagine Me Gone explores the devastating toll of mental illness on both the sufferers and the loved ones who care for them. The opening scene is a flashback to a death, hinting at a suicide. The feeling of dread made me put the book down for a couple of days until I felt ready to forge on. I’m glad I did.

      Patriarch John suffers from bouts of major depression, something his girlfriend Margaret only becomes aware of when he is hospitalized during their engagement. She decides to stay the course and marry him anyway. Their marriage produces three children: Michael, Celia, and Alec, who each learn to cope in their own way with their father’s mood disorder and the emotional and financial strain it puts on their family. The eldest, Michael, is plagued by severe anxiety as well, which intensifies as he enters adulthood.

      Haslett tells the story in alternating points of view by all five members of the family. It isn’t an easy read, but his writing is as real as it gets when describing the family’s anguish. At its core, Imagine Me Gone considers the lasting effects of mental illness and suicide on a family as they attempt to move past it and find meaning in their lives.

      Imagine Me Gone was a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize and long-listed for the National Book Award and the Andrew Carnegie Medal.

      Posted in blog, books | 0 Comments | Tagged book reviews, depression, family, mental illness, suicide
    • Stigma caused by archaic bunk

      Posted at 3:37 pm by jillprouty7, on September 26, 2016

      bunk:

      noun, informal
         1) Humbug; nonsense.

      Synonyms: Baloney, hogwash, bull, hooey.

      My kids and I love to read together at bedtime. It’s fun and it often sparks meaningful conversation. Right now we’re reading The Prince and the Pauper by Mark Twain. In it, Twain’s characters relate stories of people being burned at the stake for witchcraft. One story was of a woman who was accused of poisoning a man who died shortly after she visited him. (He was deathly ill already.) I pointed out to my kids that the conclusion drawn from the man’s death was pure 16th century “bunk.”

      1265152_638749559489030_365342525_oMost historians agree that witchcraft, demonology, and possessions survived as an explanation for the unexplained, including mental illness, right up until the 18th century; however, you might be surprised to learn that even in today’s 21st century world, some still attribute mental illness, especially depression, to being under the influence of Satan. That’s right, pure archaic bunk.

      As I’ve said again and again (and again, and again, and again…), depression is an illness. Satan has no more influence over someone who has depression than someone who has cancer. Bringing Satan, demon possession, moral weakness, or lack of faith into the conversation about depression, or any other mental illness, further stigmatizes sufferers and their families.

      Three or four years ago I heard Rosalynn Carter speak at the Carter Center about her work on behalf of the mentally ill. She said that much had changed in the 40+ years she’d spent as an advocate, especially in the area of treatment. The one thing that hadn’t changed? The stigma.

       

      Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged depression, major depression, mental illness, rosalynn carter, stigma, suicide prevention month
    • Can suicide be prevented?

      Posted at 4:22 pm by jillprouty7, on September 19, 2016
      14310306_10210161721620592_6530432371928075604_o

      Butterfly release at SPAN-GA Walk in Newnan, 9/10/16. Photo by Maggie Barrett.

      It always disturbs me when I see well-meaning suicide prevention advocates make statements such as, “Suicide is 100% preventable.” Why? Because it simply isn’t true.

      I get it. I used to be one of those people too. When I’d read of someone who had killed themselves I’d say things like, “Why didn’t they get the help they needed? Where were their families?”

      Here is the truth: Many suicides are preventable. There is no doubt about that. However, sometimes a person can have all the best treatments: the latest and greatest meds; in-patient and/or out-patient treatment (or a combination thereof); electroconvulsive therapy; as well as a great support team at home. And it can still happen.

      Up to 10% of major depression sufferers do not respond to treatment. That isn’t to say that we should give up on them. We need to be ever-vigilant with those at risk. But we also need to be careful not to assign blame to anybody when suicide does happen.

      Making unqualified statements is a disservice to survivors of suicide. Grieving the suicide of a loved one is like walking through a land mine – the second guessing, the regrets. I’ve been there. In the months following my mother’s suicide, I followed every alternate path trying to come up with a different ending, but I kept coming back to this: Unless you put someone in a straight jacket, lock them up, and force feed them intravenously, there are no guarantees.

      To survivors of suicide – I think I have a somewhat unique perspective as my mother was conscious for almost 24 hours after she fatally injured herself and was able to share a few things, most importantly this: It isn’t your fault.

      Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments | Tagged depression, grief, mental illness, suicide, suicide prevention month, survivors of suicide
    • World Suicide Prevention Day

      Posted at 9:21 pm by jillprouty7, on September 13, 2016

      September 10th is World Suicide Prevention Day and I marked the occasion this year by participating in a walk sponsored by Georgia Suicide Prevention Action Nework (SPAN-GA) in Newnan. The funds raised for the event support Camp SOS, a camp for families who have lost a loved one to suicide. I know from experience that grief after a suicide can be isolating. Friends and family often run for the hills, not knowing what to do or say. When I read about the event in our local newspaper I felt called to participate. I was glad I did.

      I met some wonderful people at the walk, including a little girl (and her grandmother) who had attended Camp SOS. Grandma said the camp had been a blessing to her granddaughter and helped bring her out of her “shell” after her father’s suicide. Her testimony was exactly what I needed to hear.

      memory-tiles

      Memory tiles.

      One of my favorite activities at the event was making a memory tile. They supplied the 4 x 4 tiles and Mod Podge. All we had to bring was a photo. I used a copy of a black and white photo of my mother at 5 or 6 years old. (Walgreens makes 4 x 4 squares. I ordered online and it was ready for pickup in an hour.)

      The walk itself was about 2.5 miles. Great for all ages. At the conclusion of the walk, organizers handed out envelopes containing butterflies that were released as part of the closing ceremony. My butterfly took its time circling my head, dipping in between others standing nearby, only to come back to me again before finally flying off for good. A beautiful morning – one I won’t soon forget.

       

       

      Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments | Tagged depression, grief, memory, mental illness, suicide
    • On motherhood, mental illness, and the importance of memory

      Posted at 8:11 pm by jillprouty7, on August 16, 2016

      I’ve spent the last week or so creating this new website of mine. When at last I thought I was satisfied with the overall look of it, I realized it was time to put pen to paper – or fingers to keyboard, in this case. What do I say? Where did it all begin? I could say it began in 1993-94 when my mother floated the idea of she and I co-writing a book about her experiences with major depression. She had nearly died in the Spring of 1992 after an intentional overdose. In fact, the doctors said she should have been dead, but she woke up after three days in a coma – and had a story to tell.

      We talked in vague terms about the book. She thought I had a knack for writing. I demurred feeling that my writing skills were mediocre at best, but we kept the dialogue open. Maybe someday.

      Fast forward ten years. Mom’s depression comes back, and with a vengeance. We thought we had seen the worst in 1992, but it turns out we had not. This time she does not survive. I was five months pregnant at the time with her first grandchild. I remember talking to a well-meaning friend over the phone a week or so after I had returned to work and I’ll never forget what she said to me.

      “The baby never has to know about Grandma.”

      I was stunned. Of course I would want my child to know his grandmother. Not only was mental illness a part of who my mother was, it was – and still is – an important part of our family’s medical history.

      I kept a notebook on my bedside table those first few months after her death. My writing was raw and painful, full of rage at times, but getting it out just before bedtime helped clear my head for sleep. The process would start over again every morning – realizing that what happened really did happen and wasn’t a bad dream. I never thought I’d see the other side. But as the months wore on and I became a mother myself, the intensity of my grief faded and a new normal began.

      Then one day, when my oldest was four, he padded out to the kitchen where I was loading the dishwasher and asked, “Do I have a grandma?”

      That’s when I knew it was time to tell my mother’s story for her.

      1934648_1102551517953_7446989_n

      Mom – Summer 2002 in Maine, the year before her death.

      Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments | Tagged depressed mothers, depression, major depression, memoir, memory, mental illness, mother's depression, mothers and daughters, suicide, suicide prevention month
    • Recent Posts

      • Nature vs Nurture
      • More Time, Memories
      • Get Out of Your Head
      • Blueberrying – A Family Tradition
      • What Makes Me Happy
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